dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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