only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
