Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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