She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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