Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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