Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
