You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I need water and some morals
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
