A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
