made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
