census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
