let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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