my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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