The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
