we're chasing vodka with high fives
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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