oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
