I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
