hell yes lets make some ravioli
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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