is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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