just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
