I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
