Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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