well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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