Betty ford says i'm here all night
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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