you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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