How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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