the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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