Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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