my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
