She's like a pop up book from hell.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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