two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
