He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
