I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
This girl is more easily done than said...
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
