My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
be right there i have to get my cape
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
