piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
