She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
