i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
