Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
