Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
