Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
