i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
