i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
