these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
