I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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