you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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