Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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