I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
