Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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