Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
