the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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