There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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