Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
