Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
